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Jun
My friend Kim & I went to the temporary tribute center for the World Trade Center this afternoon. I cried. I know that may not sound remarkable, but I didn’t cry on 9/11, and haven’t cried about it since then either. In fact, I pretty much don’t cry, period. I was just totally not emotionally prepared for the impact the memorial would have on me.
I absolutely adore New York City. As much as I have traveled, it remains my favorite city in the whole world – the vibrancy, the energy, the culture, the true melting-pot nature of it. I’ve been there countless times – but not at all since 9/11. Part of it was that on 9/11 I had a seven month old baby, and then two months after that got pregnant again, so we weren’t traveling all that much. But part of it was avoidance – like a part of me knew that the void I would find at ground zero would take its toll on my psyche. It was time to go back, though – way past time, really. And this trip provided the perfect opportunity.
I was actually glad to be traveling without Craig for this first time back – we’ve been to the city together a couple of times, and I have very good memories of it, but my love of the city far predates him, and it’s not something he shares. Being a Boston boy, he doesn’t really get New York in a fundamental way. So I wanted to make this particular trek without him.
It all started with the subway. There is still a World Trade Center station. Coming out of the station, I was completely disoriented – a 110 story building is a pretty big landmark! As Eli would day … duh. I mean, obviously, I knew the building wasn’t there anymore. But I couldn’t quite imagine until I stepped out of that station just how HUGE it’s “not-there-ness” would be. I just had absolutely no idea where I was, or where I needed to go, or what I was supposed to be seeing. Just nothing.
In the end, we just followed the crowd, and figured it out. First, we stopped at ground zero to look at the progress on the new buildings. There’s still a massive crater in the ground, reminding you of just how big the Twin Towers were, and what it took to support them. And I couldn’t help but wonder if re-building the world’s tallest building isn’t a mistake somehow … but I guess you can’t let the fuckers win, right?
Then we went to the World Trade Center Tribute Center. The main floor has a minute-by-minute account of the day, complete with “memorabilia” (somehow that word seems obscene in this context, but I don’t know what else to call it). We started walking through the exhibit, which had not only official details and notifications from the day, but also survivor accounts, voicemail messages from people who knew they were dying, etc. – heartbreaking stuff, but nothing I hadn’t scene/heard before.
Except this: 
I know, it doesn’t seem like much. You’re probably thinking – man, this chick is wacked. And maybe I am. But somehow, when I saw this window – this actual window from that actual plane that took down that actual building – I pictured a human being – a real live human, with a family and hopes and dreams, who did not plan on dying that day – and all of a sudden I was crying. And not just a small sniffle, a huge stream of tears running down my face that I couldn’t stop.
Kim went ahead of me and gave me some space. I made it through the rest of the exhibit, and then went downstairs. In that room, people from all over the world have written messages that are posted on the walls – survivors, sympathizers, people who were there that day, and people who just heard/read about it. Again, the messages were heart-wrenching, and certainly didn’t make pulling myself together any easier.
But that window … I just can’t explain it. It haunts me somehow. Obviously it’s tapping into some deep-seated fear that I have – of dying? Of bringing children into this awful world? Of not doing more to make this world a better place? I don’t know. But I can’t shake that image.
We left there and hit the closest bar, then went to see a Broadway comedy. What else could we do? But as I get ready for bed tonight, I still see that window in my mind…
Related posts:
- Memories from My School Years (Tenika’s Meme # 10)
- A New Mayor…
- 1st Day of Kindergarten
- Arrival at the monastery…
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