Jun

Well, I just bought my first digital download from Amazon, and I do feel like a traitor. In my defense, it was a song that iTunes actually didn’t have (which is odd given that their catalogue is so much bigger than Amazon’s, at least so far).

Comparison:

web interface — iTunes gets the edge here, though I think Amazon’s site has potential (they do a great job in other domains of making suggestions of things you might like, etc.); also, iTunes is much snappier, the Amazon site was sluggish speed-wise in comparison

price — identical (99 ¢)

the ease of download — iTunes is FAR superior, the Amazon interface is awkward, and not automatic the way it indicates; it’s a two-step process getting the download into my music library – not a huge deal, but notable

In sum, there’s not much risk so far that I will be switching from iTunes to Amazon for my digital downloads.

  

Jun

This week’s topic is interesting, because you can look at it kind of two ways (or at least *I* looked at it two different ways) – general inventions that have benefited humankind, and specific inventions that have come along in my lifetime and revolutionized things. I couldn’t decide which was the best approach, so I did two separate lists. I know, I know, but I’m between conference calls at work and have some time to kill…

Top 10 Inventions for Humanity EVER

1. Running Water/Water Purification – this is what stopped the plague and a whole host of other gnarley things that used to kill us. It’s not good to bathe in the water you drink – who knew?!!

2. Printing Press – brought education to the masses

3. Communication – from letters (what we now call “snail mail”), to telegrams to phones, and now email, SMS & chat – being able to “talk” to people who are not in the same room with us is such an amazing benefit, and something we often take for granted

4. Vaccinations/Medicines – picks up where running water leaves off in terms of warding off the bad stuff (though this obviously has some drawbacks, especially when it’s over-used – just ask the super-bacteria)

5. BIRTH CONTROL – enough said

6. Transportation – no “global village” without planes, trains & automobiles

7. Air Conditioning – I live in the South, this HAS to be on my list!

8. Microwaves, Toaster Ovens & Gas Grills – pretty self-explanatory

9. Washing Machines – amazing how much changes when it doesn’t take an entire day to do a single load of laundry

10. Internet – duh!

Top 10 Inventions for Leslie in Her Lifetime

1. Internet – initially it was just email, and oh how it has grown! Everything from automatically syncing calendars so I know when all my new nieces/nephews’ birthdays are, to automatic banking and bill-paying so I know how much $ I have and don’t have to worry about remembering payments on the day they’re due, to Wikipedia so when my husband and I argue about the year a song or TV show came out we don’t have to speculate we can just FIND OUT, to online shopping and that new Amazon program where you get free 2-day shipping so I can wait until the last minute to buy gifts and not get stuck paying more on shipping than on the item itself, to blogs & Facebook, to medical websites & online news from all over the world, to W countdown calendars – this invention has affected all aspects of my life. Most people’s lives actually (see above). In case you can’t tell from my massive run-on effusing, I’m a big fan!

2. Target – great hours, quality merchandise, cheap prices, and right down the street! Not to mention they make the best bras ever.

3. iPod – changed music for me forever; I have my ENTIRE music collection (14,000+ songs and still going strong) on one little device that I can listen to anywhere. Not to mention it makes doing “mix tapes” a lot easier!!!

4. TiVo – completely revolutionized the way people can watch TV (and made us personally more likely to watch MORE TV, but that’s another story); no more needing to be home at a certain time to watch a show, no more struggling to set the damn VCR to program if we were going to be gone, no more choosing between two favorite shows that come on at the same time on different channels, and most of all … no more commercials! Oh, and the ability to do my own instant replays – very cool.

5. Pay at the pump gas stations – again, fairly self-explanatory

6. Hair color – so my hair can stay it’s “real” color, even as I get older

7. Digital answering machines (and the ability to automatically forward ALL calls to them) – no more phone calls at inappropriate hours, and no telemarketers at all … bliss!

8. High quality, small, durable digital cameras – capturing life’s gory details became a lot easier, and my children’s scrapbooks are grateful!

9. Dimmer switches on lights – actually, maybe this should be on Craig’s list! They’re great for entertaining, too, though – change the whole mood of a room in a second.

10. Automatic doors on cars – I thought it was the dumbest thing ever when I first got the new van, but I had no idea how actually useful it is to be able to push a little button and have the door open all by itself…

Okay, now I’m on a roll and thought of a few more … those little things you stick into the ends of corn on the cob so you don’t have to get your fingers all greasy – AWESOME! And GPS … for people like me who are “geographically challenged”, they are a lifesaver – I don’t have to have ANY clue where I am (which is convenient, since often I don’t) … IT KNOWS, and can tell me how to get where I’m going. Wow!

All right, I should stop now and get back to work…

  

Jun

Wow, I gotta admit, the racket run by the W administration over the course of the past 8 years has me feeling pretty down on the US lately – so, I was glad to get this “assignment”, to help me focus on the positives. And there are a lot! The W regime is so morally bankrupt and utterly disgusting, it is hard to remember that sometimes.

I saw from other people’s lists, most folk were using the entire scope of US history. I decided, though, to focus only on things that have happened in my lifetime. Basically, for the reasons mentioned above – things that I have actually seen, or heard, or even been a part of that remind me of the creativity and drive, the diversity, the strength and resilience even in the face of adversity that sum up “America” for me.

1. Standing in the (very long) lines to donate blood after the 9/11 attacks – it didn’t last nearly long enough, but the absence of partisan politics as usual and the sense of solidarity in the immediate aftermath was amazing.

2. The 1st time the Space Shuttle went back up after the Challenger explosion

3. August 1, 1981: I Want My MTV!
I will never forget sitting (way too close) to the screen in front of our 19″ TV (that still had a dial on it that we used to change channels before we got cable) watching that very first video.

4. Keri Strug’s 2nd vault at the 1996 Olympics – talk about taking one for the team!

5. Roe v Wade – yeah, I was only 2 and don’t exactly remember it, but it was an amazing advancement for women everywhere

6. Bill Clinton being acquitted by the Senate in February 1999, after the idiocy of the House in impeaching him (on my birthday no less!) in December 1998.

7. The day Apple released the iPod

8. The day Apple released the iPhone – possibly the most perfect device ever invented!

9. The world NOT ending as we know it on it @ Y2K

10. The first time I ever heard a Barack Obama give a speech

p.s. On January 20, 2009, this list will change, as the image of W getting on a helicopter and leaving the White House will become my new #1.

  

Jun

My friend Kim & I went to the temporary tribute center for the World Trade Center this afternoon. I cried. I know that may not sound remarkable, but I didn’t cry on 9/11, and haven’t cried about it since then either. In fact, I pretty much don’t cry, period. I was just totally not emotionally prepared for the impact the memorial would have on me.

I absolutely adore New York City. As much as I have traveled, it remains my favorite city in the whole world – the vibrancy, the energy, the culture, the true melting-pot nature of it. I’ve been there countless times – but not at all since 9/11. Part of it was that on 9/11 I had a seven month old baby, and then two months after that got pregnant again, so we weren’t traveling all that much. But part of it was avoidance – like a part of me knew that the void I would find at ground zero would take its toll on my psyche. It was time to go back, though – way past time, really. And this trip provided the perfect opportunity.

I was actually glad to be traveling without Craig for this first time back – we’ve been to the city together a couple of times, and I have very good memories of it, but my love of the city far predates him, and it’s not something he shares. Being a Boston boy, he doesn’t really get New York in a fundamental way. So I wanted to make this particular trek without him.

It all started with the subway. There is still a World Trade Center station. Coming out of the station, I was completely disoriented – a 110 story building is a pretty big landmark! As Eli would day … duh. I mean, obviously, I knew the building wasn’t there anymore. But I couldn’t quite imagine until I stepped out of that station just how HUGE it’s “not-there-ness” would be. I just had absolutely no idea where I was, or where I needed to go, or what I was supposed to be seeing. Just nothing.

In the end, we just followed the crowd, and figured it out. First, we stopped at ground zero to look at the progress on the new buildings. There’s still a massive crater in the ground, reminding you of just how big the Twin Towers were, and what it took to support them. And I couldn’t help but wonder if re-building the world’s tallest building isn’t a mistake somehow … but I guess you can’t let the fuckers win, right?

Then we went to the World Trade Center Tribute Center. The main floor has a minute-by-minute account of the day, complete with “memorabilia” (somehow that word seems obscene in this context, but I don’t know what else to call it). We started walking through the exhibit, which had not only official details and notifications from the day, but also survivor accounts, voicemail messages from people who knew they were dying, etc. – heartbreaking stuff, but nothing I hadn’t scene/heard before.

Except this:

I know, it doesn’t seem like much. You’re probably thinking – man, this chick is wacked. And maybe I am. But somehow, when I saw this window – this actual window from that actual plane that took down that actual building – I pictured a human being – a real live human, with a family and hopes and dreams, who did not plan on dying that day – and all of a sudden I was crying. And not just a small sniffle, a huge stream of tears running down my face that I couldn’t stop.

Kim went ahead of me and gave me some space. I made it through the rest of the exhibit, and then went downstairs. In that room, people from all over the world have written messages that are posted on the walls – survivors, sympathizers, people who were there that day, and people who just heard/read about it. Again, the messages were heart-wrenching, and certainly didn’t make pulling myself together any easier.

But that window … I just can’t explain it. It haunts me somehow. Obviously it’s tapping into some deep-seated fear that I have – of dying? Of bringing children into this awful world? Of not doing more to make this world a better place? I don’t know. But I can’t shake that image.

We left there and hit the closest bar, then went to see a Broadway comedy. What else could we do? But as I get ready for bed tonight, I still see that window in my mind…

  

Jun

So … last night was interesting. Different than I expected, not unpleasant or even weird, just different.

The goal of Harmonic Chant is to connect us to our most primal instincts, and to come to the “universal sacred” through the origins of humanity – they feel like they’ve identified the basic sounds that were present at the creation of the universe, and use those to tap into the spiritual realm.

Perhaps a video clip would be the easiest way to explain …
David Hykes, Harmonic Worlds Chant

Like I said, interesting.

  

Jun

Tonight for dinner was vegetable soup, blackeyed peas, polenta, and mixed greens. There was cornbread with the soup which was quite good. And the polenta had cheese in it (the only protein to be found!), so it was edible. When I get back to the city tomorrow, I think I will be heading STRAIGHT for the closest hot dog stand, I am *so* craving meat!!!

This is my last night here! I’m on my way down to our closing ceremonies. Should be interesting. Here’s the description:
“Contemplative music composer-singer, researcher and pioneering “throat singer” David Hykes will present a special evening event entitled “Harmonic Awareness: Silence, Deep Listening and the Music of the Spheres”. This evening will include a concert of David’s Harmonic Chant, joined by core members of his group, The Harmonic Choir. .. Mr Hykes will share insights from nearly four decades of Harmonic Awareness work, exploring relationships of music, mind, meditation practice and healing dimensions of sound and listening. The evening will conclude with a Harmonic Meeting, an awareness-based sonic group harmonization with MLSRI participants”.

Like I said, should be interesting…

  

Jun

So, started reading this book a couple of days after arriving at the monastery, and just finished it. WOW!!! Talk about a way to bring philosophy to the masses.

Literally thousands of reviews have been written of this book, the vast majority of them positive, so I won’t try to re-review here, especially 30 years after the fact. But I did think it was awesome, and the analogies to motorcycle maintenance were brilliant. As for the philosophy itself … well, you know. It’s a great novel.

I can’t believe I had never read it before. I had heard so much about it, I had a lot of preconceived notions, most of which were wrong. I think reading it here made it especially meaningful to me. I will also be using excerpts from it in my classes, I think, in particular the parts on scientific method.

In the end, still glad I am a scientist, though.

  

Jun

I like tofu. I really do. Cut up into little pieces and included with other things that you know … give it flavor!

It would never occur to me to put a big giant slab of tofu on a plate and call it a meal. Apparently, that makes me very different from the people who cook the food here. For dinner, we had said slabs of tofu with a tiny amount of barbeque sauce on top, kale and turnips, and mixed greens.

I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried…

  

Jun

This is from the outdoor camp they were at last week. Sami has a crush on the boy counselor – makes me dread the teenage years!!!

p.s. Click on the picture to see a larger version.

  

Jun

Wonders never cease … today for lunch we had veggie burgers. Given what we’ve been eating, this was cause for rejoicing! If I closed my eyes and meditated very hard, it almost tasted like meet!!!

  

Jun

So, I survived the 36 hours of silence. AND I did 9 of the 10 hours of meditation (for the hour I missed I decided to go for a hike instead, which I think was a good call).

I have to admit I had a little bit of a mini panic attack last night at about 9:00 (the meditation invoking the silence started at 9:30). In retrospect, I don’t know why I was so freaked out – I actually in the end really enjoyed the silence. Now the actual meditation … in the end, I don’t think it’s for me. At least not mindfulness meditation. I’ll get back to that later.

There were aspects of the day that were easier than I thought, and aspects that were harder than I thought. Going in, I was sure I would feel really restricted not being able to communicate with anyone, and that I would go crazy with nothing but my own thoughts to occupy me. I did miss not being able to call my kids, but I knew they were fine and that Craig was taking good care of them. And the lack of communication with others here was really peaceful – in a lot of ways preferable to all the usual babble that goes on at conferences!

In the beginning, it was just like all the other nights here – we have silence every night from evening meditation through morning meditation. The evening meditation was a very cool lovingkindness meditation – my favorite one so far. She gave us a mantra – “Be safe, be happy, be healthy, live with ease” – and we started out wishing that for ourselves (“May I be safe, be happy…etc.), then extending it to a loved one “May he be safe…” and so on), then someone we’ve met here, then everyone here, then the whole planet “May we all be safe”, etc.). I really liked that one – it was a great way to calm down and start feeling much more positive about the “mini retreat”.

In the morning, things definitely felt different. It was pretty trippy eating in a room with 200 people, and not hearing anything other than spoons clinking against plates. Kind of cool, but bizarre. I tried to be more focused and notice more of the “little things”. The main little thing I noted at breakfast is that the oats they serve for breakfast are “steel cut” oats. I spend the meal wondering what it even means to have steel cut oats, if there are other ways to cut oats (and if so, what they might be), and whether something about cutting them with steel makes them taste better. Not very profound.

After breakfast we had some free time – I noted with some disdain that a girl in the bathroom was using her hairdryer (not very SILENT now is it?!!), and that several people in the lounge were checking their email. I felt very superior for a few minutes, since I was doing my utmost to take it all seriously – but then I decided that was not very much in the spirit of meditation, so I let it go.

We spent the morning doing a combination of sitting meditation and walking meditation – during the walking parts I went outside. It was really too hot to be outside, but I felt claustrophobic being inside for too long. The meditation hall is the only part of the building that is air conditioned (I think they do that on purpose), so it wasn’t the heat, just being around all those people with no talking wears on you after a while. I needed my private space. We did a mixture of classic zen meditation (totally silent) and guided meditations of various types. The outside part was my favorite – trying to be more mindful of all my surroundings, more aware of details, etc.

Lunch was difficult, not because of the silence, but because of the food. Asparagus and onion quiche (that was MUCH more asparagus than it was either onion or quiche); focaccia bread, barley and leek salad; mushroom, beet & celery salad; chocolate spelt cake. I meditate for a while being thankful to the universe for the focaccia bread, and wondering why in the hell anyone would put spelt in chocolate.

The afternoon passed similarly to the morning – periods “on the mat” and periods walking. The time seemed to go much more quickly than I anticipated. I skipped out on the afternoon session where the teachers talked to us about the theory behind the meditation techniques (hearing a lecture on theory did not fit with my schema of “day of silence”). Instead, I went hiking outside. I hadn’t been out much since we got here – too hot. But there was a really nice breeze, which made it feel less hot outside than in. I hiked over the railroad tracks and down to the river. West Point is right across the river from here, and you can see the buildings of the campus. I wonder what it would be like trying to get West Point cadets to meditate. On the way back I saw two deer – a buck and a doe. I thought about my dad, and how much he would like to see them (though, honestly, he would like it even more if it were hunting season and he could take them home in a cooler!). They weren’t more than 10 yards away from me. I was as quiet as I could be, but eventually I spooked them. The buck ran before the doe did, which I thought was interesting.

We had a break before dinner. I see one of the Buddhist monks talking on his cell phone, and I only feel the tiniest bit disdainful before I just smile and let it go.

Dinner was even more difficult than lunch: moroccan stew, which included chick peas, carrots, raisins, currants, tomatoes and zucchini (obviously the leftovers from the weekend!), couscous, cooked cabbage, and mixed greens. I kid you not. I meditate on the fact that they are obviously choosing to serve us the crappy leftovers on the silent day since they know we can’t complain. I pick the mushy zucchini out of the stew and think about how hungry I will be for my steel-cut oats by breakfast time.

After dinner was more meditating. I try to pull my thoughts back in from how hungry I am, and focus on good things. I spend a lot of time thinking about how grateful I am that I have a husband I can trust to take care of my kids for 10 days so that I can do this, and all the other things (like scrapbooking retreats) that are possible because of him. Then I get a little sidetracked thinking about showing him my gratitude when I get home and have to refocus.

As I was lying in bed trying to tell myself it was *not* too hot to sleep (or even breathe), I tried to focus on why this was all not clicking for me. I wished our friend Tony was here so I could talk to him about it (though I would’ve had to wait until morning anyway). But, that is kind of a long story in and of itself, and this post is too long already, and not over yet.

After the morning meditation this morning, the silence officially ended. I found I wasn’t quite prepared to deal with the chaos of the dining room – way too loud after so long in silence. So I went outside for a walk around the grounds until it was late enough to call Craig and the kids. So good to hear their voices! Eli was very funny, when I had explained the silence to him on Sunday, he just said “WHAT?!!” – it was just totally beyond his comprehension how anyone could be quiet all day long (if you know Eli, you can easily see why this would be … the boy never shuts up!). So he was amazed that I had, in fact, not talked for two whole nights and one whole day. Samara seemed to get it, but was glad it was over. Craig was awesome as always – so supportive and reassuring!

Now I am using our post-breakfast break to write this, while it’s all still fresh in my mind. Bottom line – I liked the peacefulness of the silence, but I don’t think I will be continuing to practice mindfulness once I am home. We’ll see…

  

Jun

Okay, it’s down to the wire – less than an hour to go until silence. Silence for 36 hours, to be specific. Here’s our instructions for the day:

“This mini-retreat will include guided meditation appropriate for both those new to meditation practice as well as more seasoned practitioners and will include periods of sitting and walking meditation. It will provide an opportunity to practice “phenomenology on the cushion” and to observe and learn from first person experience of the fine-grained texture and moment-to-moment character of emotion-attention dynamics. ”

Hope it works! Send focusing vibes my way!!! Here’s hoping I don’t just bust out laughing in the middle of one of the group meditation sessions – that would be very, very bad. Wow, I wish that hadn’t popped into my head as a possibility, now I’m going to have to focus on pushing all laughing thoughts out of my head. I am just glad my friend Angie is not here – we would get thrown out of this place for sure!

By the way, here is a movie Craig and the kids sent me to help ease me into the silence. It is so sweet!!!
sunday_msg

I miss them a lot – I realized I have never been away from either the kids or Craig for this long before.

You know what I really need to finish preparing for this silence … a drink. Ha!

  

Jun

MUCH better than yesterday!

Started out rough, though … decided to try the yoga mats instead of a chair for morning meditation. They have these little round pillows that you sit on, on top of a bigger rectangle mat. Most people sit like this:

I also tried sitting like this. Initially, all was well. For the beginning of the meditation, we were supposed to feel our pulse in our wrist, and concentrate on that – was it “thready” or “bounding”, regular or irregular, etc. Aside from the fact that I thought my pulse was somewhere between thready and bounding, all was well. But after a few minutes (as my butt was falling asleep), I realized that other people were sitting really far forward on these pillows. But, since we’re supposed to be being still and concentrating on our pulse, I couldn’t really move. As we transitioned from concentrating on our pulse to concentrating on our breath, I was profoundly distracted by the needle sensation in my butt, and how my neck was getting a kink in it. Obviously, I still have a lot to learn about meditation!

After that, things improved, though. Breakfast was the same as yesterday, except today the croissants at breakfast were CHOCOLATE!!! The talks this morning and this afternoon were really interesting, and much more relevant to what I do. I got some good ideas for studies I might pursue when I get back. Lunch was a bit of a downer – mozzarella & olive (yuck!) sandwiches and salad. But, they had pecan bars for dessert which were delicious. I had 3! Perhaps now I am on a sugar high!

We have a break now until dinner – was going to go swimming in the river with some other people here, but then it started raining. Oh, well, hopefully the storm will provide some relief from this heat & humidity, though.

Am feeling pretty nervous about tomorrow – our silent “mini-retreat”. Starting with evening meditation tonight (starts at 9:30), we have to be silent all night, ALL day tomorrow, and all night tomorrow night, through morning meditation on Tuesday morning. So from 9:30 tonight until 8:00am Tuesday, I am not supposed to say a word. Also, no email, no text messaging, none of that. (And that includes this blog, so you will have to check back on Tuesday for an update). We have ***TEN HOURS*** of meditation scheduled during that time. Keep in mind that I can’t keep my mind from wandering in the half hour sessions we’ve been doing so far, so I am *seriously* worried about where my mind will be after 10 hours.

Send good vibes my way, I will ***REALLY*** need them!!!

  

Jun

Craig sent me this link from the New York Times this morning: a video game controlled by your BRAIN!!! Here’s what it looks like:
Pretty trippy. We still know so little about the brain and how it functions – we know a lot about what happens where, but current imaging techniques don’t give us a lot of info about the process. I can’t imagine that these things actually work, especially with the technology they’re using. If you read carefully, they have a pretty limited utility – it’s not like a game with a lot of action sequences! It sounds like any brain activity/muscle contraction is going to produce the effects. Cool, but not as cool as you might initially think!

  

Jun

Okay, the rest of the day … not so great. The talks in the morning were very dense, hard to follow (or maybe I was just tired). So much so that after lunch (mac & cheese and BROWNIES), I took a nap and blew off the afternoon talks. Dinner was curried lentils, couscous and salad – tolerable, but nothing to rave about. Tonight there was a movie about the life of the guy who started this place – which I also blew off. So far, none of this is related to the work I am doing, or will be doing, plus I am missing Craig and the kids, and really questioning why I came. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better!

Did I mention there’s no air conditioning here? It was 95° today. And *very* humid. It feels like Nashville! Wouldn’t you know I would come up north on the week they have unseasonably hot weather. It’s supposed to be even hotter the next few days, with no break in the temperature until the day we leave. Naturally.

I think I my be grumpy from the lack of caffeine, too – something I forgot on my original list of prohibitions, no Dr. Pepper. They have tea, coffee and water here. That’s it. They had iced mint tea at lunch, but I don’t think it had any caffeine in it. And it’s way too hot for me to drink hot tea.

Okay, off to evening meditation…wish me luck!

  

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