Mar

Ha – what great timing, I just got back from having a very nice lunch with my husband, so this week’s topic might be a little skewed for me, since I’m feeling very positively disposed toward him at the moment!

Since I am female, and heterosexual, I am going to specify my list to what I think WOMEN should do before they get married to MEN. That’s all I really know much about! I will try to get Craig to do a guys list later.

1. Keep your own bank account. No compromising on this one. TRULY. You can have a joint account for household expenses and even have your paycheck direct deposited into the joint account, but keep SOMETHING in your own name, and add to it when possible. I’m not saying keep this account a secret, just saying be sure you have some money you can access that is JUST YOURS. Think of the practicalities – you can buy presents for him without him knowing, it keeps him from knowing how much shoes really cost, and (most importantly) you have it in case of emergency.

2. Have sex. Again, truly. It is too big a part of married life (or should be) to realize after the fact that you’re not compatible in that way.

3. Don’t settle. Do NOT, under ANY circumstances, get married because all your friends from college are getting married, or your grandmother keeps making not-so-subtle comments about you being an old maid, or you feel like you’re ready to have a baby. You will not be happy, and it will not last. You will find someone who’s RIGHT for you. Be patient, it’s worth waiting for.

4. Have a career. Even if you are going to be a stay-at-home-mom, establish yourself so that you know (and your resume demonstrates) that you COULD take care of yourself if you had to. ‘Cause sometimes, things go wrong (for all sorts of reasons) and you do have to.

5. Understand what you’re getting. MEN DON’T CHANGE!!! Seriously. This is related to #3, above. Be sure you love him, and can live with him, AS IS. If he drinks too much, spends too much time with his guy friends, speaks disrespectfully to you, whatever it is … he is NOT going to stop just because you are married. He needs to be ready just like you do. And if he isn’t, you aren’t going to be able to fix him.

6. Talk about kids. A LOT. Talk about how you were raised, and how you want to raise your own kids. Talk about yelling, about spanking and time out, about breastfeeding, about kids sleeping with you, about public vs private school, about how you feel about toy guns and Barbie dolls, about how much TV & video gaming is okay, about what age they should be before they have their own email account and Facebook page, anything and everything you can think of. Trust me, it is MUCH better to discuss all this ahead of time. Yes, you might change your minds, that is natural. But you will be coming in, if not fully on the same page, at least aware of where your “issues” are likely to come from.

7. Talk about religion. This is often related to talking about kids, because it’s often when the little ones arrive that you realize you want a bris or a christening or whatever your background is. Again, you don’t have to be the same, but you do need to talk about it. Especially how active you want to be in a synagogue/temple/church/mosque/whatever (and how active you want your spouse to be), and how you want to raise the kids. If you are going to be a mixed marriage, go ahead and have a plan for how you’re going to deal with holiday celebrations, etc., and go ahead and clue your families in, too.

8. No secrets. Okay, let me qualify that – we all have things we don’t tell our spouse, anyone who says they don’t is lying. But no BIG secrets. If you owe $75,000 on your credit cards, or you were secretly married for one drunken weekend in Vegas, or you used to be a prostitute, or you used to be a man, or you were abducted by space aliens, or whatever … it ALWAYS comes out in the end. Don’t let bombshells drop later on, talk about it upfront. Your spouse will lose all trust in you otherwise, and it’s really hard to have a marriage without trust.

9. Understand that it will not be perfect and endlessly blissful. Seriously. We all go in thinking we’re different from all other marriages we’ve seen, and that we’re never going to fight, and we’re compatible in every way, and blah blah blah. Except that’s a total load of crap. Don’t get me wrong – I have a great marriage, I really do. And Craig feels that way, too. But we have “issues” that we have to work through, and it’s not always hunky-dory. One of the hardest things to get used to with marriage is that it ebbs & flows – there are times when you feel incredibly close, and times when you feel incredibly distant. Also, you have to pick your battles. He’s going to do a lot of things that annoy you. (And, frankly, you’re going to do a lot of things that annoy him). You simply cannot throw a fit about all of them. Well, technically you CAN, but unless you want to be perusing the yellow pages for a divorce lawyer in 6 months, it’s not a good idea.

10. Premarital counseling. This helps you talk about all of the above in a safe, structured environment, helps you quickly hone in on problem areas, and encourages you to keep talking when (not if) it gets hard. I HIGHLY recommend it.

Wow, that was a lot of words. Guess I feel pretty strongly about this!!! I have been married long enough now that I’m starting to have a fair # of friends going through divorce, and it is a horrible thing. Most of the things on this list have come out of seeing, up close and personal, other marriages fall apart. Remember, no one gets married thinking they’re going to end up divorced. But half of us are wrong. Communication, and being honest with yourself, are key.

  

Mar

My “realistic bracket” is 8 and 0 – woohoo! No-go on the Georgia upset, but at least my bracket is intact!

Belmont is beating Puke-Duke – that would wreck my realistic bracket, but … oh, happy day if the Bruins pull off the upset!!!

The Wildcats are out … no big surprise there. They actually played well for most of the game against Marquette, but it was just too little too late. Kentucky’s first time being an 11 seed (not their lowest, though – they were a 12 seed in 1985), and first time in over two decades losing in the first round. Whatta year!!!

Puke is back up by 1, come on Bruins!!!

  

Mar

They’re up by nine over Xavier at the half. Let me say that again – 14th seeded Georgia (only in the tournament at all by pulling the surprise series of upsets to win the SEC Tournament) is up by NINE points over 3rd seeded Xavier.

March Madness, baby!!!

Here’s links to my brackets, in case anyone cares:
my “fantasy bracket” through my work pool
my “realistic” bracket from my work pool
my combo-bracket, through cbs.sportsline.com via Facebook

  

Mar

WOW – I ***love*** college basketball!!! I get an almost giddy feeling as March Madness is about to begin…

Gotta say, God bless technology – these days, instead of having to blow off work, I can sit in my office and watch the games online while I work!!! This technology has come a long way – I have tried watching games online in the past and found it … non-satisfying, at best. But now, at least for the cbs.sportsline.com version, it’s just as good as watching at home – maybe better, since we haven’t switched to HDTV yet at home!

So far Georgia is beating Xavier, too – that would really wreak havoc on my bracket, but it’s pretty cool nevertheless. That’s what March Madness is all about! Now if only Kentucky steps up to beat Marquette later this afternoon…

  

Mar

Wow … Billy Gillispie is co-coach of the year in the SEC, along with Bruce Pearl? Seriously, I love Kentucky basketball and probably always will, but … come on ?!! That’s just wrong. What Pearl did at Tennessee this year was amazing. Gillispie wasn’t able to get the players to “play his way” (which is a coaching problem, just so we’re clear), and somehow the team pulls it together to go 12-4 in the SEC after losing to teams like Houston, San Diego, UAB, and (lest we EVER forget) Gardner Webb???

Sometimes there just aren’t words…